AFFAIRS

Dear Savvy Reader,

In the movie “it’s Complicated” the divorced protagonist played by Meryl Streep proclaims that she can’t believe she's having an affair with a married man. Then she sighs, smiles, laughs with a shake of her head and moves on to the next topic.

At no time in the movie does she express any concern for how her lover's wife might feel if she knew. This is what I find disturbing. As I age, I am more aware of the effects of my actions on others. My experiences and insights have made me much more sensitive to the feelings of others and I am acutely aware of how vulnerable most of us are. I try not to add to people’s struggles or hurts. When I do so and become aware of it, I work on ameliorating the situation with the other person and also examine my own limited perspectives. I also notice that many of my friends are working on being more conscious and aware of the feelings of others. This is one of the best aspects of being boomer women – the ability to notice the effects of our behaviors on others and to be able to change them when we realize we have hurt someone's feelings. Based on this awareness as a boomer woman, I could not have an affair because I would not want to hurt the other person or my own spouse.

So I am disappointed that in the movie where a boomer woman has an affair, there is not more sensitivity for “the other woman.” Maybe I am a little naive in hoping that in the movies, women having sex with the same man can be portrayed as being considerate of the emotions of the other and stop doing something hurtful. I would have liked Meryl Streep’s character to care that her behavior was going to have an adverse impact on another woman and her family. We may never see a film where a protagonist chooses not to have an affair out of concern for the lover's partner, but maybe we can hope. However we can take this opportunity to discuss this very issue with the younger generation to raise their consciousness about the effects of their behavior on others. Here's to starting the conversation.

Thinking of others,

Myrna

stillsavvy.com

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